Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
