He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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