I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You can't just leave with hair like that
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
