It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
