i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
