i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
