Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I could make wine with my vomit
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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