This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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