Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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