I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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