i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
