Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
