I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
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I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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