Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
