last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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