You made me cry and you don't even care
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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