I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
