he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
