Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
