i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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