You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
