I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i now understand why vodka
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
