I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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