You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
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I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
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If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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