Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just puked most of my soul out..
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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