I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Randomize
