I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
