dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
