she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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