my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
