I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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