atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
