Quick, to the slutcave!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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