Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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