I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
