dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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