He asked me if I "almost moaned"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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