In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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