I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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