remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
