That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
