I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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