I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
