I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
