I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
