I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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