So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
