I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
