You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
