allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
