New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
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your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
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I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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