fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
