Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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