I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
