oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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