We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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