if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
