your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
