I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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