Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
