oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
