My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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